The deafening silence of nature is Newport County star Liam Shephard’s sweet escape from soccer insanity writes Anthony Rees.
The Exiles’ Rolls-Royce defender has opened his heart to tell how the secret journeys up Rhondda’s Bwlych Mountain and those walks alongside Porthcawl’s rolling surf have healed and dragged him back from a black abyss of nothingness.
Shephard, now 31, was hued from a territory where coal was once king. The Welshman with almost 320 professional matches under his belt, has bravely battled a catalogue of injuries which, arguably, deprived him from achieving a Premiership career his ability warranted.
Yet the smooth moving right-back fit-again and ready to help lever Port up the League Two table, has told how peering into Treorchy’s threading streets and those angled ex-miner cottages gifts a serenity to fight any adversity football hurls at him.
At his lowest, as a succession of damaged hamstrings and sharp niggles embedded fangs deep into Shephard’s soul – tunnels led to caverns where the sun never shone. The former Swansea City talent saw houses with people seldom home, the hands on his watch swept past minutes on its face, a solitary apple spinning in space.
He reflected, “The last few seasons have been difficult for me. Horrible, in fact. I damaged a hamstring in my left leg. It was like being stabbed or shot. I was doing my rehab and struggling to find answers.
“I lived my life right and felt I have always been a model professional. You’d see other players going out, maybe not doing their gym work properly, but always fit for matches.
“I started to feel very low and ask myself what my life was really worth. What purpose did I have? What was the point in coming into the club every day?”
Experienced Shephard’s spirit spiralled down as he was unable to help his Newport team-mates and admitted, “I asked the club if I needed to attend home games, that was how bad it got. The music used to play out as the boys took to the pitch at Rodney Parade – the frustration grew because I couldn’t help.
“I watched every game on the TV, but that was tough mentally for me too. I walked out of the room, if things weren’t going well in the game because I couldn’t do anything to help.”
Pentre-born Shephard did not call on his father Gary, a model pro at Newport in his time and one of Merthyr’s finest managers for help.
He said, “My dad and myself are very similar in that we keep things to ourselves. I didn’t even tell my wife [Stacey] what I was feeling deep inside.”
During his period at Salford City, Shephard was rescued by the club owners and Manchester United’s Class of ’92 Paul Scholes, Nicky Butt and Wales legend Ryan Giggs.
He recalled, “I never liked to ask for help on anything. But in my last year at Salford, I did ask to speak to a therapist. It was the best thing I ever did. I was getting snappy and angry over nothing. I didn’t know why, but my personality was changing. I didn’t recognise the person I was becoming.
“I would flip over nothing. I told the people at Salford I needed to ask someone why I felt the way I did.
“The club owners knew about my situation. There was a therapist on the staff. I was very open about everything.
“Paul [Scholes] and Nicky [Butt] were at the club almost every day. They were class people because of the way they spoke to you. All of them were really down to earth. And Ryan [Giggs], I can’t speak highly enough about him.”
Shephard, who made his competitive debut at Swansea while the club had Premier League status, remembers having low moods in his late teens.
He recalled, “I was training and mixing with the first team. The manager Garry Monk saw me as the deputy to Angel Rangel. But then I broke the bone in my foot. There had been a change of manager when I recovered and Connor Roberts had his opportunity.
“I made my Swans debut in an FA Cup tie at Oxford United. I should have been excited, but I wasn’t. Looking back now it was the first sign of a low mood, never diagnosed. I have never seen a re-run of the game because It reminds me of a difficult period.
“My wife Stacey, at one time, suffered with really low moods too. I then needed to help her out of it. It’s hard when one of you suffers with it, of course – but really difficult when you are helping a partner or someone you love try to break free too.”
Kind Shephard is determined to help others who have been engulphed with the blackest of fog achieve sight of that golden ray of sunshine which now lights his future path.
He said, “Both Stacey and I have been open what we have been through. People have messaged us on our personal social media pages. If we help other people who are going through the negative experiences we endured, we will.
“I have found climbing up to the top of a mountain near where I live so cleansing. It really helps. There is nothing, just my dogs and me. No sound, no cars no noise – just the occasional other person.
“I walk by the sea at Newton and Rest Bay, Porthcawl. I think of nothing – it has helped so much.”
Shephard is already looking to the next life chapter – but the impeccable pro would love to play on for another five years.
He said, “I’m back and ready to help Newport. I think a lot of the injury problems I have seen at the club since last summer was down to me not having a proper pre-season and going straight into match action.
“I had setbacks in my rehab, which set me back a couple of weeks. So frustrating. These things were really attributed to the original hamstring problem. But the club will now see what I can really contribute.”
Shephard yearns to me a master coach eventually, “I want to give others the benefit of my experience as a player. I finish my UEFA B Coaching Badge in February and will be going for my UEFA A Coaching Badge after that."